I haven’t written much the last few weeks about my dealings with Alzheimer’s and Dementia. Yes, I am still here every day caring for my grandparents, but I have also had a few other things happening that I wanted to share here and thus my thoughts on my care giving job have taken a bit of a back burner.
Over the last four months we have developed a routine. Thankfully, my Granny has adjusted to me being here daily and no longer fusses about it. But the struggles are still here. It’s still difficult some days to get things done around the house (simple cooking or cleaning) without upsetting her. I have in many ways come in and taken over her home – not out of meanness or because of any slight against her, but out of need. Yet, in her mind, as much as she is glad to have the help some days other days she resents the help and works herself to death trying to “do” before I get to it.
I have a set routine each day of what I do. I’m perhaps a bit anal about my schedule. I have been that way for years – I like to get up and do the same things around the same times and on the same days. My sons as babies and toddlers did great as long as we stuck to the schedule of feeding/naps, etc. but varying from that often caused a few tantrums. Well, I have found in this care giving situation that it is much the same. As long as I arrive within a certain time frame and leave within a certain time frame, it seems that my Granny can tolerate/handle having us here without a problem. The days I happen to run late she is more flustered when we arrive and if I should stay even a half hour later than the norm, she starts pushing for us to leave and begins getting agitated. Sticking to the routine keeps us all much happier.
Similarly, when it is just my youngest (4 yr old) and I here with them during the day she does fairly good about letting me cook, clean, pickup, tend to my grandpa, etc. But throw a kink in that and add my oldest (8 yr old) into the mix and she starts fighting me doing anything. It’s as if she feels the need to handle things herself when he is here. Things I always handle now (such as meal prep or doing dishes) she will push herself right into the kitchen and start scurrying around in a hurry to do – whether it needs doing or not. Anything outside the normal routine really upsets how she handles the situation.
I have been reading about Alzheimer’s and Dementia patients and found that I’m definitely not the only one who has experienced this. Routines help tremendously. Not only in keeping their minds active and familiar with surroundings but also in keeping the emotional side of the disease from running rampant. The aides and nurses that come in weekly don’t bother her now like they did in the beginning, but when a different or new one shows up – there is an obvious resentment toward them. They are interfering in what she has done for so many years all by herself. It’s her territory and her job to care for my grandpa and their home. Anyone who steps in to do any of those things offends her. Part of this is a natural emotional response any of us would have, but the lack of ability to control the response is a direct result of the disease.
Right now, we are doing fairly well overall. Some days she seems to not know if she is coming or going. Some days we repeat the same things a few dozen times before she lets go and moves on to something else. Other days she merely sleeps the morning away and seems to not really know that we are even there. And yet, there are days when I arrive and my Granny is there. The woman I grew up with. The one whose mind is clear and normal and the way I am so use to it being. The Granny all too often, we miss. I hate how I have seen it progress in such a short time and I hate the thought of the year(s) to come, but I love my Granny – I will be here. I will care. I will forgive. I will overlook. I will do my best to make it easier, more comfortable and less painful for her.
Because…very simply…if the shoe was on the other foot – I know she would do the same and much more for me.
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