Have You Ever Hated Anyone?

Have you ever hated someone?  Seriously – all joking aside- have you ever been so extremely hurt by somebody that you couldn’t feel anything but hatred toward them? 

It’s not a pretty thought, but I know that I have.  I know that a couple of years ago when I first started muddling through the process of divorce I clung to hope that my marriage could be fixed…then I started in that dreadful rut of hatred.  I was so angry over so many things that happened between my husband and I and then so many things that happened because of him..the divorce…choices made over the last year of our marriage.  I came to a point when I had been hurt beyond what I could handle and I had put up with more than I could handle.  Unfortunately – we both acted stupid.  I was angry, jealous, hurt, etc. etc. etc.  And he was angry, jealous, hurt, etc. etc. etc.  Yes – it’s sad – but emotions played a huge part in how our marriage ended and how we treated each other after the divorce.  

Fast forward a few days in court, a restraining order and nearly eighteen months later and I was once again sitting next to my ex-husband.  We had business to attend to because of our son together and we had managed that just fine.  We were civil, friendly almost.  And then he said something I will never forget.  “I’m glad we got to talk.  You don’t hate me anymore."

I spouted off that I had never hated him, and he looked me in the eye and said, “yes, you did”.  It saddens me to admit – but yes, he was right.  For a while there about a year ago, I hated him.  I hated everything about him because of how it had affected me.  I lost sight of the man I had fallen in love with some years before and why I had and all I could see were the things I didn’t like about him – and in those brutal months following our divorce – they were elevated to a level that became the stepping stone on which my hatred toward him was built. 

I was right to be hurt and angry and mad about many things – but I had no right to dwell and hate him.  None of us truly have the right to hate another human being.  And, in so many ways – we don’t know what anyone else has or is going through internally.  Even if we are close to them – married to them – in love with them – a parent to them – a sibling to them or even their “best friend forever”.  Although there are a lot of actions that are wrong to do – we can’t know why someone chooses to do them without asking – and all too often we jump to conclusions or form our own opinions without taking in to account what the other person is really going through internally. 

In regards to my marriage – we are both guilty of bringing it to an end.  And we both accept and know now that if we had done things differently from the beginning we would have saved ourselves and each other a world of hurt.  The past is the past and we are choosing to leave it there.  I just wish I could say that I had never hated the man.  

Actions hurt.  Words hurt.  People can destroy each others lives.  It’s time the hatred stops.  I choose to let it go.